Can men and women be friends? This question is probably one of the most important question in our modern society when it comes to relationships. Most relationships are failing as studies are showing, and people are constantly getting involved in dishonest, promiscuous  relationships.

A lot of people seem to believe that is a great idea to have a fuck-buddy, but is it really? Is there such thing as friends with benefits without negative repercussions? Let’s explore further the nature of these relationships.

Summary

• Human nature is promiscuous
• Friends with Benefits?
• Women
• Men
• Men and Women
• The Myth: “Sex with my friend will ruin our friendship”
• Friends With Benefits Dating
• Final Thought

Human nature is promiscuous

Here are a couple of facts about our sexual behavior that are paraphrased from the studies conducted by psychologists in America and gathered in a bestselling book called Sperm Wars by Robin Baker.

For more than 10 percent of American children their fathers are not who they think they are. A woman is unconsciously looking for two types of men: a provider and a lover. She will behave differently with these two types. She will withhold sex when with the provider and she will have most of the sex when most fertile with her lover. Her sexual peak is hidden, she is not aware of it unless she tracks it herself.

Did you know the sexual organs from women are the only ones from all the female species that don’t show when the female is at her peak? For example, the vulva from monkey females is getting red whenever they are in their sexual peek but not with women. Why? It’s because the woman’s sexual part of the brain wants to obey the law of “lover and provider”.

And that’s not all: the male sperm is mostly infertile! Only 1% of sperm is fertile while the rest of 99% is created to fight the sperm of other men inside the woman’s vagina (that’s why most of the sperm have big heads, two heads, sharp heads etc), which means that in the past, most people were cheating on their partners, therefore the adaptation in sperm composition. When the sperm from multiple men reached the vagina of the female, it was then fighting and competing with other sperm.

That’s why women are so nice with “nice guys”, playing hard to get, in order to manipulate them into becoming their providers. Most women marry providers. Women are incredibly calculated with their providers while having unrestrained sex with strangers that they just met because they met their “lover” qualifiers.

Most women are not even aware of this behavior. The most promiscuous are those women who are not aware of their unconscious sexual impulses. These women are the ones who have sex with a man and then say “I don’t know, it just happened”. Women who think that sex just happens are women who get in a relationship and have sex with their male friends or with your best friend, cheating on you.

Sex never ‘just happens’ unless you are in complete denial.

Friends with Benefits?

If you take a group of random people from the street and ask them the simple question of ‘can men and women be friends?’ surprisingly a lot of them will say yes. Why? Because we all want to believe in this idea that men and women can be friends. A friend becoming a ‘friend with benefits’ is natural and justified by people who get involved in these practices. We love the idea that we are in control of our sexuality, when most of us are not. More about “what is friends with benefits?” later on.

NO, men and women can’t be friends. Why? Humans were never biologically designed to be monogamous and faithful. If we listen to our primal instincts, we will be tempted to cheat, while always ‘scouting’ for opportunities to get ourselves involved in situations where ‘promiscuous sex naturally happens’. Straight men and women will always have that vibe for each other, even if they bluntly declare they have no physical attraction between them.

Look at it this way. If a man and a woman who are ‘only friends’ get isolated on an island they will start having sex after a while and will actually start developing feelings for each other. It’s in our genes to view any person of the opposite sex as a potential mate, even when our conscious mind has an opposite perspective. The reason for this mostly unconscious behavior is that our biology does not want us to go extinct.

The fact that our lives develop such ways that sex is no longer a difficult thing to get, our sexual physiology has changed a bit, mainly due to the evolution of our frontal cortex. What I mean by that is that our brain is no longer pressuring us to have sex all the time whenever we see a person of the opposite sex, because there is no scarcity, but the desire and tendency is there, it’s just put on stand-by until the opportunity seems fit.

This “numbed” desire is awaken usually when you feel unloved by your partner, when you feel hurt, making you to want ‘revenge’.

Women

Let’s assume the ‘friendship’ between a man and a woman.

Let’s also assume that the man is in a mediocre relationship and the woman got into a fight with her partner/ lover / boyfriend / husband. Due to the intensity of the fight, she leaves his house heading towards her friend’s house to complain about her partner. It’s ten a clock in the evening and she is ringing at his door, crying, wanting attention and feeling vulnerable and unloved.

What will it happen in a couple of hours? Chances are she will suck his dick and she will tell him not to use a condom for the sheer pleasure of getting revenge on her boyfriend. When a woman cries and feels vulnerable, a man, any man just wants to fuck her, in order to comfort her. Being that vulnerable is a huge turn on for most men.  Since both of them are really close in their friendship, in that night they are probably hugging, while she cries her friend is comforting her. What is the most common way to make this situation end “well”? That’s right: SEX.

A woman gets wet whenever she feels a powerful emotion. That’s right. She gets turned on when she is sad, angry, pissed, vengeful, depressed! That is because she feels vulnerable, and a woman in a vulnerable state wants to give herself to someone to feel loved again. In a state like this, a woman feels incredibly open and wants to be ‘penetrated’, physically, psychologically and emotionally.

Another reason why a man and a woman can’t be friends is that both of them will radiate the way they feel for their lovers. So, if a woman had a great time with her lover and then meets her friend, she will project that love for her partner onto him. She will radiate her sexual fulfillment and that’s incredibly attractive. What that does is that it transmits to the man’s brain that she wants sex. For a man, any happy woman wants to have sex. That’s what most men think, that any woman in a powerful emotional state wants to have sex.

          A missing piece of the puzzle …

From 1973 through 2008, nine surveys of women’s rape fantasies have been published. They show that about four in 10 women admit having them (31 to 57 percent) with a median frequency of about once a month. Actual prevalence of rape fantasies is probably higher because women may not feel comfortable admitting them.

What this indicates is that women are naturally prone to want consciously or unconsciously to be taken sexually without their consent. This means that they are naturally and constantly transmitting various messages on subtle and not so subtle levels to all men around them to “rape” them, or to try and force them to have sex with them or to simply create the circumstance where that ‘it-just-happened’ sex occurs. Even if these women don’t want to have that happening to them, they are still sending out messages through their gestures and body language, they can’t help it.

Men

How can you expect a man to only be friends with a woman and not want something else at least from time to time, while she is constantly sending out messages about her sexual preferences including her unconscious desire to be raped? How? Unlike what most people think, we are like an open book to other people in terms of our sexuality.

We have parts of our brain that are unconsciously communicating with each other. For example, you can look into a woman’s eyes and know exactly what she likes sexually and when she invites you to fuck her. Most women are constantly inviting other men to ‘take’ them.

It’s well worth to understand that most men want to fuck everything, from the 6-year old girl up to the 80-year old granny. The male sexuality was designed to have no preference when it comes sex. That’s how men are built. So, consciously and unconsciously men could fuck every woman alive and most every woman they come in contact with, some of them want to fuck their sister, mother, daughter, and cousins. Given the right circumstances most of them would.

You will be surprised to see that the percentage for incest with women is around 15-20%, according to Wikipedia. It’s impossible for most men to turn down sex. As a woman, every guy you met since you were probably 13, was trying to fuck you. Now that you are friends with some of them, they will not want it no more? Haha, right!

As Chris Rocks puts it “every time a man is being nice to you, all he is doing is offering dick”. Men are obsessed with having as many sexual intercrosses as possible and they will almost NEVER say ‘NO’ to a woman who invites them to have sex with them. Some of them will require a certain setting, but they won’t say no.

So, if you are female and believe that your guy friend, has never had any dirty thoughts about you, or he will never have dirty thoughts about you, you are probably wanting him to fuck you and your brain denies it in order to allow that promiscuous circumstances to develop.

If I ask you ‘can men and women can be friends?’ and your answer is ‘yes’ then you are just playing with the “only friends” thought, in order to feel absolved from any “spontaneous sexual” experience that might occur between you and your male friend. Only women that are inherently promiscuous believe that men and women can be friends for real. You need to be completely ignorant to your primal sexual nature to actually believe that men and women can be friends.

For your information, every man that you consider your “friend” has probably or will probably masturbate thinking about you, especially if he is single. Even if you are “just friends”, he still fantasize about you in “other” ways. A man can’t be your true friend, he will always want to be your friend with benefits.

Most women unconsciously hope that ‘some day a man will take them against their will and fuck them’ and most men when they are offered to have sex think to themselves “oh this is my lucky day, it will probably never happen again”.

No man looks at a woman that is good looking wanting just to be friends with her. Even if you are ugly, he will still probably find at least one thing that is nice about you and still wanting to fuck you for just that only thing. It might be your laugh, your breasts, your eyes, your money.

Men and Women

Whenever in happy relationship men feel complete and women feel more yearning

What that means is that a man attracts more women when he is a relationship. He attracts them because he projects outwards that he has been already chosen by a woman and therefore being socially validated. If a man doesn’t try to get women in bed it means that he has been already selected by another woman, therefore, he is a worthy man. A man that is not chasing women (because he is a relationship) is incredibly attractive.  That’s why most women have affairs with men that are in relationships or marriages.

Women on the other hand are totally different. A woman is not attractive when she feels complete. Actually, a woman never feels complete! She always wants more. A woman that just had passionate sex with her man and then dresses up nicely and meets up her friends will always radiate that love outwards. She will still have that passion in her eyes, like she still wants to love and to be loved, she wants to prolong that love that she has for her lover. Her friends will see it, especially the men! Her desire to have more sex, to share more love, to be more opened is incredibly attractive and very visible.

“Sex with my friend will ruin our friendship”

That is utterly bullshit. When someone tells you this, usually a woman, what they mean is that “at this moment the circumstances are not right for us to have sex”. All she needs is a difficult situation, such as one that I presented above in order to let her friend stick his penis inside her, becoming her friend with benefits. And what’s this crap about ‘sex ruining a friendship’? Like an orgasm is the worst thing that can happen to someone. Shouldn’t it suppose to make it better? Of course it makes it better only that when someone says that, they are only saying it from a manipulative stance. If sex ruined a friendship it means that it was no real friendship to being with!

What sex brings to a relationship is more openness!

What sex brings to a friendship is speeding the friendship process, that would otherwise take years.

That doesn’t mean you need to have sex with your close friends of the opposite sex in order to really test their friendship because that would not be appropriate. But this remains a fact: the best way to see how good your friend is, is to have sex with them and see what’s happening next. If you want “more” from your friend, you are actually wanting more friendship, more openness, more closure, more love, a relationship.

You can’t have sex with someone and expect to be just sex, especially if you are good friends! I don’t mean buddies, I mean friends! If you are good friends and if you have sex, that’s a relationship! So there is no friends with benefits, is actually an open relationship, because you see each other on a regular basis and you have passionate sex. What’s love then? Isn’t it  great sex + great friendship? You bet. So, what are friends with benefits? They are Open Relationships.

Friends with Benefits Dating

Friends with benefits dating is a very dangerous place to be in, mainly because it attracts all sort of negative emotions and circumstances in your life. The problem is that most of the times people don’t obey the friends with benefits rules and one will eventually develop feelings, wanting something more from the relationship. In order to follow the rules for friends with benefits you have to be completely heartless in your sexual relationship with your ‘friend’, but you cannot! You cannot because he is your friend and you already care for him. If you have sex with him, he will become a friend with benefits than develop into a relationshp partner soon after.

Married friends with benefits is a very common practice amount married couples. They live their lives in a lie and when they find that they are still unhappy, they start looking for some friends with benefits advice, thinking that by adding more friends with benefits rules they will improve their relationship. A friends with benefits relationship is most likely to end up badly, provided the fact that both of them are honest with each other. Friends and benefits … there are no benefits besides the relationship itself, at least not on the long run. Of course, sex is great, but up to a point, when it becomes normal, and every sexual relationship becomes normal after a while.

Final Thought

Only a small fraction of people can actually be friends with the opposite sex. It requires a high consciousness level and a perfect awareness of one’s thoughts and primal impulses. Even the most enlightened people, who have transcended lust and desire, they still feel those emotions! They feel them but they don’t get influenced by them. If you are a person of integrity you don’t inhibit your appreciation for the sexual attributes of your friend from the opposite sex, you just don’t let those impulses rule you.

Men and women can be friends only when both of them are involved in healthy and loving relationships and when are no conflicts in their relationships. If both of them have mediocre relationships, at one point they will most likely have sex with a ‘friend’ of the opposite sex.

Since sexual energies are the most powerful in the universe, and because most people are not evolved enough to understand their own desires and motivations, they are not mature enough to pursue genuine friendships with the opposite sex. These kinds of friendships do exist but they are extremely rare.

My advice is this: if you found someone that you love, limit the time spent with your friends of the opposite sex and understand that even if it’s not your intention to cheat on your spouse/lover/partner, the sexual energies will flow between you and your friends, leaking sexual energy to them, which will add unconscious tensions to your relationship.

The less men you see on a daily basis the more likely you are to appreciate your man. 

The less women you see on a daily basis the more likely you are to appreciate your woman. 

Read more articles:

How is a Friends with Benefits Relationship Affecting a Woman’s Heart

Awkward Silences On a Date

Five Stages of a Relationship

Long Distance Relationship Tips – What to Talk About

How to Make a Marriage Work